Hello and welcome to another edition of SeanomaniacWrestling Reviews, the only wrestling review series on the internet that doesn’thave Brad Shephard blocked! It’s WCW Uncensored 1996, the Alliance to endHulkamania is here to destroy Hulk Hogan! Konnan vs Eddie Guerrero for theUnited States Championship, Finlay vs Regal and a number one contender’s matchbetween Giant and Loch Ness aka Giant Haystacks of British Wrestling Fame.
(WCW United States Heavyweight ChampionshipMatch) Konnan © vs Eddie Guerrero
Much better than having to watch One Man Gang in therewith Konnan, this should be fun. Lock-up and clean break from Eddie, Konnantakes the back. Rings of Saturn stretch by Konnan, arm-drag by Konnan. Eddielands an arm-drag of his own and slaps on a figure four, Konnan makes it to theropes. Konnan shoots for the ankle, both men show some nice pinning skillsbefore we end in a clean break. Konnan takes the back but Eddie shows superiorskills here and applies a stretch to Konnan, Konnan takes the legs and goes fora heel hook. Konnan transitions into a Boston crab, Konnan blocks the arm-dragand lands one of his own. Eddie lands one too, both show great speed and slapone another.
Dropkick by Eddie, uppercut and Eddie places Konnan onthe top rope. Camel clutch by Eddie, Konnan fights back with a side headlock.Arm-drags by Konnan, Eddie is on the floor. Side headlock takedown by Eddie,Konnan uses his legs to try and break the hold. Konnan uses another stretchhold on Eddie, Eddie lands on his feet out of a monkey flip. Arm-drag and atilt-a-whirl head-scissors. Diving crossbody to the floor, slingshot splash byEddie for two. Head-scissors choke by Eddie, Konnan lands a German suplex.Eddie counters the second with a pin, Konnan counters another suplex with a pinattempt but it’s two all around for both. Clothesline by Konnan, Hurricanranaby Eddie. Eddie rolls through for two, Konnan fights back and goes for apowerbomb. Splash-Mountain Bomb for two!
Konnan sends Eddie to the floor, suicide dive byKonnan. Eddie slips out of a suplex, Konnan lands a pair of elbows and aclothesline for two. Eddie stops Konnan climbing the top rope, superplex byEddie. Two for Eddie, Eddie is on the top rope. Konnan tries a powerslam butEddie counters for a small package for two. Eddie tries a leap-frog and Konnanheadbutts Eddie right in the balls and covers for the win.
Ballsy to put this match out there for twenty minutesbut they are both very good workers, felt the chemistry was a little off hereat times especially with the mat-work that seemed to take the crowd out of itat times but Eddie’s talents shine through here with the fans preferring Eddiein this match. This sort of high-speed match with arm-drags and aerial moveswould become the norm very soon in WCW but the crowd is still adjusting to thisstyle.
Winner: Konnan over Eddie Guerrero via HeadbuttDown Low!
Lord Steven Regal W/ Jeeves vs The BelfastBruiser
I remember with Regal had Bill Dundee as his managerbut no idea about Jeeves, Belfast Bruiser is here and things are going to getincredibly stiff. Glad to see Regal back on PPV though, Bruiser comes in andsmashes the sh*t out of Regal. Arm-drag by Regal for two, uppercuts by Regal.Bruiser lands a knee and an elbow drop for two, Bruiser stomps on the fingersand lands a lariat for two. Stiff kick to the spine, Bruiser is popular here.Regal kicks back and lands an uppercut, Regal chokes Bruiser on the mat. Regalstretches Bruiser in the middle of the ring, Regal eats a kick to the head.Snap-mare and knee-drop to the eye, Regal is sh*t-canned to the floor. Regal ispulled into the ring-post, Regal lands abig uppercut and dropkick onto Bruiser. Regal rakes the face of Bruiser, uppercutby Bruiser. Regal uses his palms to fight off Bruiser, Regal chokes Bruiserwith his knee.
Eye-poke by Bruiser, senton by Bruiser. Reversechin-lock, Regal escapes and the action spills to the floor. More kicks anduppercuts, Bruiser wants a suplex into the ring. Regal drops an apron elbowdrop, we go back to the ring and start stretching one another. Stiff kick by Bruiser,Regal distracts the referee and murders Bruiser in the nether regions. Two forRegal, Bruiser is up and lands a knee to the back of the head and the forehead.Bruiser sends Regal to the corner, back body drop by Bruiser. Regal lands twostiff shots to the back of the head, Regal smashes Bruiser on the apron.Bruiser lands a shot to the face, Regal is driven into the ring apron. Chops byBruiser, Bruiser lands a closed fist to the nose of Regal and Regal is spoutingblood. Kick to the chest, Regal is bounced off the buckle twice before Regaluses his leg strength to kick Bruiser to the floor. The Blue Bloods come downand kick the sh*t out of Bruiser for the DQ.
Well I did enjoy this one, very brave of WCW to have amatch like this and go this long but it was so engaging with both men beatingthe absolute tar out of one another, they are just throwing hands throughoutthe match and there is a nastiness present that is sorely missed in othermatches in WCW, this felt like two people who hated one another beating thecrap out of one another. The finish is definitely a downer but everything elsewas such a breath of fresh air, it doesn’t even bother me all that much.
Winner: Belfast Bruiser over Lord Steven Regalvia DQ!
Colonel Robert Parker vs Medusa
Medusa ruined Parker’s wedding, Parker wants revenge.Parker locks-up with Medusa and flexes his muscles, Parker is thrown by Medusa.Parker goes for an airplane spin, Medusa counters with a sunset flip. Scoopslam by Medusa, Parker sells the sh*t out of it. Parker stalls and chokesMedusa and throws her to the mat, Parker misses an elbow. Middle rope dropkickby Medusa, make it two. Medusa lands the German Suplex, Dick Slater pulls outher leg and Parker falls on top! Comedy stuff but enjoyable, not the debut Iassumed Medusa would have though, weird.
Winner: Parker over Medusa via Shenanigans!
(I Quit Wrestling Match) The Booty Man W/ TheBooty Girl vs DDP
What happened to Johnny.B Badd and Kimberly? DDP islooking rough and homeless which matches what his character was going throughso fair-play for the commitment to his work. However, what the hell is thiscrap? The Booty Man? Feels like a side character for The Disco Inferno, I doappreciate that we do get an explanation on Johnny B. Badd though. Badd leftfor the WWF so he lost Kimberly and turned heel in his final performance, whata downgrade for Kimberly having to be with The Booty Man. Must be truly awfulas she is not even here with this ridiculous gimmick.
Smartly, they stall because nobody wants to see thissh*t. Booty Man (Can’t believe I am typing this) works the arm, DDP reaches theropes. Booty Man works the arm, DDP lands a knee in the ropes. Booty Man isshot into the ropes, Booty Man holds onto the ropes and shakes his ass at DDP.Booty Man’s dancing skills are horrific, DDP is outraged with this developmentand the referee shoves down DDP who is irate. DDP is taking a walk, Booty Manlands big right hands in the aisleway. DDP is rammed into the ring-apron, DDPbegs for mercy in the ring. DDP pulls Booty Man into the turnbuckle, elbows andkicks from DDP. Booty Man blocks and rams DDP off the turnbuckle over and over,DDP is on dream street.
DDP falls through the ropes, DDP bumps off thering-post and into the crowd. Kimberly is here, she is wearing Booty Mancolours. Kimberly was so gorgeous, Booty Man rams DDP into the guardrail but inthe ring, DDP regains control with a side headlock. DDP is shoved off, theyavoid one another before DDP struts and gets punched by Booty Man. Big righthands by Booty Man, more posing for the fans. They mess up a spot, not surewhat was meant to happen. Ah we see as they repeat the spot, a crossbody missfrom Booty Man. Kimberly is on the apron, DDP has spotted Kimberly. DDP chokesBooty Man, DDP points at Kimberly. Reverse chin-lock from DDP, Booty Man fightsout but DDP is too strong at this stage of the match and has the reversechin-lock once more. Booty Man fights out again but same result DDP is incontrol, Booty Man is hung up on the top rope. DDP asks Kimberly to come up onthe apron, DDP kisses her and Kimberly slaps him, Booty Man lands his High Kneefor the win.
That was horrific, I am not sure Booty Man ever had agood life in his match, I suppose you could say Summerslam 1989 counts but thatwas mostly about Hogan and Savage. Anyways, this is a massive downgrade fromDDP vs Johnny B. Badd. WCW doing a retirement/fired angle for DDP? Let’s seehow long it lasts. Horrible match!
Winner: Booty Man over DDP via High Knee!
(Number One Contender’s Match for The WCW WorldHeavyweight Championship) The Giant W/ Jimmy Hart vs Loch Ness
A veteran of the UK Wrestling scene, Loch Ness akaGiant Haystacks seems immobile at this point and now this big man not known forhis bumping or carrying of other athletes must face The Giant who is as greenas grass. This starts with Giant smashing Loch Ness before Loch Ness rakes theeyes and clobbers Giant. Giant elbows Loch Ness and stomps him in the corner.Giant tries a corner splash but misses and spills to the floor, clubbing blowto the throat. Running elbow drop by Loch Ness, Loch Ness misses the secondtime around. Giant clotheslines Loch Ness, superkick floors Loch Ness. RunningLeg drop and it’s over. They did the right thing but that sure did suck!
Winner: The Giant over Loch Ness via Running LegDrop!
(Chicago Street Fight Match) The Road Warriors vsBooker T & Sting
The Road Warriors have had problems with Harlem Heat& Sting & Luger so they are looking for some retribution on this night.I also like how a Chicago Street Fight can take place outside of Chicago,possibly the most strong of stipulations. Sting & Animal pair off whileHawk and Booker brawl on the floor, Animal lands ten punches in the corner.They trade partners with Booker T dropping Animal with a Scissors Kick, Hawkand Sting brawl by the entranceway. Animal lands his Powerslam on Bookerfollowed by an elbow drop, Sting rakes Hawk’s eyes on the floor. Animal clubsdown Sting and sends him ball-first into turnbuckle, Sting returns the favour.Hawk has to help his partner, where are the weapons?
Sting slams Animal, Booker piledrivers Hawk and Hawkno-sells like always. Clothesline on the floor, Animal drills Sting with aclothesline. Booker lands a Harlem Sidekick on Hawk, Sting lands a face-busteron Animal. Booker tries a top rope dive but Animal counters with a fist and adropkick, Hawk lands a dropkick on Sting on the stage. Animal is coming to thestage, Hawk trades places with Animal. Sting takes a walk and grabs a chair, BookerT has an arm-bar on Hawk before Sting starts cracking Hawk with the chair.Animal is back though and Animal cracks Sting & Booker with the chair.Sting saves Booker from being pinned, Booker cracks Animal with a HarlemSidekick. Piledriver by Sting on Hawk doesn’t work, why do they keep tryingthat? Hawk powerbombs Sting and stomps on his dick, Animal chokes Booker with acamera cable.
Reverse chin-lock, the four start brawling into thecrowd. Hawk starts drilling people with a chair, Sting back-drops Hawk on thefloor. Booker jumps off the apron and attacks Animal, kick after kick to theribs. Sting is in the ring with Hawk, Booker and Animal go to the stage. Divingchop by Sting, Stinger Splash misses and Hawk lands a clothesline, fist drop byHawk. Doomsday Device is stopped by Booker, Booker is on the top rope.Crossbody on Hawk for two, Sting & Animal collide, Sting lands on Animal’sballs. Hawk plants Booker with a belly to back suplex, Animal lands a low-blowon Sting. Sidewalk slam by Booker, Animal chokes the life out of Booker, Bookerlands a low-blow. Hawk gut-wrenches Sting, Booker helps Sting regain control.Double clothesline on Animal, Sting suplexes Hawk onto the top rope, Animalno-sells a suplex from Booker and drills Booker.
Sting wanted a Boston crab but Animal just clubs atSting, Hawk pulls Sting to the floor and they begin to brawl. Booker misses akick on Animal, Hawk lands a diving clothesline on Booker. Sting and Animal arebrawling by the ramp. Booker has a camel clutch on Hawk, Animal and Sting arealso in the ring, Sting clamps on a camel clutch on Animal. Hawk boots downBooker, Animal and Sting brawl in the ring, both men hitting big moves before adouble clothesline leaves both men down. Hawk & Booker are on the floor, Bookerand Hawk are now in the ring. I am losing the will to live reviewing thisgarbage. Booker snap-mares Hawk, elbow drop misses but Spinaroonie and Bookerwaffles Hawk with a massive leaping Harlem Sidekick. Animal has a chair andSting takes it across the back.
Sting takes down Animal and waffles him with thechair, Hawk is on the floor and takes out Sting, Hawk takes out Booker with thechair too. Hawk powerslams Booker for a close two, Sting has two brooms andAnimal is laid out with brooms. Animal is back up and Sting is waffled in thethroat, Animal breaks the broom over Booker’s back. Animal chokes Sting withhalf of a broom, Booker saves Sting from Animal. Animal & Booker arebackstage, Luger is backstage in front of the mirror and Animal is sent intoLuger. Luger and Stevie Ray beat the piss out of Animal, Jimmy Hart ties Animalto a pole backstage. Hawk is all alone, Hawk dodges a Harlem Hangover butStevie Ray clocks Hawk with a chair-shot for the win.
Unbelievable sh*te, I have never seen four people walkaround and no-sell sh*t for so long, it was ridiculous. 29 minutes of stallingfor a chairshot at the end, I have never seen such garbage from so many bignames. f*ck that.
Winners: Booker T & Sting over The RoadWarriors via Chair To The Back of The Head!
(Doomsday Cage Match) The Alliance to EndHulkamania vs The Mega-Powers
At Superbrawl, Hulk Hogan beat Giant in the cage andheld off nine men with one chair, it was one of the worst things I have everseen. Now, we are going to have those 9 men take on Hogan & Savage.Everything you need to know is there as you can see Arn Anderson in hissweatpants, not even probably dressed for this bullsh*t. There are three cages,Hogan & Savage must fight through a cage to get to the next cage. Level 1is Arn Anderson & Ric Flair, Savage goes for Flair, lots of punches andsplit-screen action which I grew tired of in the previous match but sure let’ssee it again with even less visibility because of the giant cages. Chops andpunches all around brother, so dangerous they say as nobody is taking a bump onthe cage. Anderson sends Hogan into the steel pole in the middle of the cage,Hogan fights back and Anderson takes a bump off the floor. It is interesting tosee they have the cage mostly in darkness, how could anyone watch this live inthe arena, the spotlights hardly help.
Figure four by Anderson on Hogan, Flair does the sameon Savage. Flair just passed a weapon down to the other members of TheAlliance. Hogan and Savage threw powder in the eyes of Barbarian & Meng, Ithought they hard to pin people to eliminate them? No? Flair & Andersondefeated by powder? Hogan punches Taskmaster and Luger with a chain, chokingTaskmaster after with it before Luger makes the save. Hogan helps Savage escapefrom The Faces of Fear, thy are locked out of the cage. Savage & Hogan areafter Taskmaster & Luger. 4 men defeated by a combination of powder and alock, Savage did some move on Luger. Hogan and Taskmaster are on the scaffold,this is a scary sight, could Taskmaster tumble to the floor?
Hogan escapes the cage with Sullivan, Sullivan isclocked with the microphone. Big boot by Hogan, Taskmaster is clotheslined intothe corner. Savage & Luger are free but so are the other heels, Hogan clotheslinesLuger and chokes him with a boot. Hogan slams Luger off the barricade, Sullivanslams Savage into the steel cage. Hogan & Luger are in the ring together,Luger rakes the eyes. Corner clothesline by Hogan, Hogan punches the head ofLuger. Taskmaster low-blows Hogan, the heels have regained control.
Did The Faces of Fear and Horsem*n really just walkaway? They really were defeated by powder and a locked door? Luger is crackedin the back with a chair, Luger smacks Savage with the chair and Hogan too.Ultimate Solution & Z Gangster is here, these big muscly men are going todestroy Hulkamania. We are back in the cage, lighting is shocking. Hogan chantshere, better than the previous PPV. Ultimate Solution shoves down Hogan.Sullivan is stabbing Savage with a pole through the cage, Savage is up thoughand Z-Gangsta has been nailed with a double axe handle. Ultimate Solution isrocked by Hogan, Savage cannot knock Z-Gangsta, bearhug by Z-Gangsta. Hogansaves his partner, Z-Gangsta takes him to turn around and Hogan sh*ts himselfin fear of his old rival who chokes Hogan.
Ultimate Solution slams Savage down gorilla pressstyle while Hogan rakes the eyes of Z-Gangsta to escape the choke. Savage is uphigh and dives into the bearhug, Savage is tossed to the mat. Wait a minute,Savage has something in his tights that son of a gun. Ric Flair & ArnAnderson are here again, I suppose the rules are very lose in this match. 4 on 2currently, not sure why Sullivan is not in there. Where is Luger? Hogan andSavage are helped by Booty Man who hands them powder and frying pans, everyoneis waffled with frying pans with incredible amounts of hokey phony wrestling.Luger is here with a loaded glove, Luger decks Flair but in a very bizarremanner. It looks like Luger did it on purpose but Hogan still murders himafterwards. Savage pins Flair and this fiasco is over!
Horrific, agonizingly lame with limited vision andjust garbage all around, unclear rules, lame action throughout and Hogan destroyingeveryone in sight. Everything that makes WCW lame at this time on full display.
Winners: Mega-Powers over Alliance To EndHulkamania via Loaded Glove!
That was WCW’s Uncensored 1996, a brave effort fromWCW that falls very flat. Why is it brave? Well I find the idea of having allthese matches of varying styles go longer than 10 minutes and it worksinitially, we kick off with Konnan vs Eddie Guerrero, two men who can work thatfast-paced lucha style with many moves that blow the minds of the fans in thearena, some awkward parts admittedly with miscommunication present but overall,a good display between the two and naturally Konnan comes off more heelish dueto his physique and less flashy style than Guerrero, a possible heel turn couldbe very good for the big man. Things continue with a stiff match between Finlay& Regal, they just beat the hell out of one another for the longest timebut you can feel the hatred behind each blow, it’s heated and physical and Ilove it, the finish is weak but the two men had me invested throughout thematch, something so different from everything else in the company I couldn’thelp but love it.
Things take a nosedive soon after, I don’t mind acomedy match now and again so I don’t hate Parker vs Medusa but as Medusa isthe newer star here, I don’t understand what we are trying to achieve here,there is no Sherri, why is there no Sherri? Why isn’t Sherri putting overMedusa? So many questions here, Booty Man vs DDP is a severe downgrade from DDPvs Johnny B. Badd, Booty Man can’t even look natural dancing, he can’t sell andhe is purely living off of Hogan. Loch Ness vs The Giant is a spectacle andgoes short but again, why are teasing Hogan could have faced Loch Ness? The mancan barely move, it’s embarrassing.
The Chicago Street Fight oh boy! The Road Warriors areone of the most disrespected tag teams in the 90s was one of the things Ialways thought about the duo, looking at how WCW and WWF treated them after theglory years of the 80s but having seen the level they were working at duringthe 90s, the treatment might have been deserved. These last 2 PPVs I have beenhorrific watches for me when The Road Warriors have been in the ring becausethere is a whole lot of nothing going on in that squared circle. It’s like theyknow it’s going the full 30 minutes so let’s just stink up the joint and they have andthey are managing to do it with my boy Sting in there! How is that possible?The often overlooked most popular guy in WCW boring me in matches? Unthinkableyet here we are, I cried out for a break from The Nasty Boys vs Harlem Heat butI think I would take them any day over this joke. The Doomsday Cage is justhorrific, the idea that all these heels are being battered by two guys isdifficult enough but fans can barely see what is happening, they cannot takeany bumps on the cage so it is kicks and punches which is a boring watch and it’sjust so convoluted and dumb, it’s bleh. I can’t even articulate how much I hatemain event Hogan in WCW when he is half-assing it, I thought Jarrett in TNA wasmy kryptonite but this my top it, I don’t know if I can take more of this guy.WCW in 1996 needed a coolness and edge and thank God for the NWO because Ishudder to think of how wrestling could have been with Hogan doing this shtickfor much longer. Avoid this one, thanks for reading and remember: there’salways another night!
